Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
