Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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