My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
