Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
