Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
