i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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