I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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