Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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