loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
