Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Randomize
