I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
