ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
