Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
