I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize