Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
