Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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