am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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