Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So vagazzling was a success
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize