Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she peed on how many people?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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