If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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