Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
