like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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