everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
