hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
