You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
