they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
