I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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