HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize