at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
