So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
