I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
