I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
