I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
