I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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