Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
