Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
