My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
