I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
