No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
