i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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