Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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