I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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