So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
