he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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