You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize