I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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