Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
