The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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