She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
