So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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