dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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