i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we're making bets on your personal life
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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