Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
