He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Even my vagina gasped.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
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