I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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