So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
