I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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