it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize