Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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