Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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