Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
