Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
