doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
