I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
No...this little piggys going to the bar
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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