I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
