When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
