Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
