We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
