I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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