I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
