yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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