I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
