u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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