How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
