I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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