I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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