Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
