I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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