Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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