so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
