Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
In America we eat man semen.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
