I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Randomize
