My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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