either way he was missing a nipple.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
