it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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