Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
