on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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