Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize