she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
