She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he fucked my hip out of place.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
