I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
