Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
