1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
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