Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
