dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
