I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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